I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
