I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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