Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
