I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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