my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
