yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize