guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
