Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
