fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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