did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I can't turn off my feet"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
