Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
