you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
