My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
