Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
