She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
