U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
