He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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