I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize