Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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