why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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