i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
