What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize