Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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