It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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