I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
