what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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