last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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