he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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