She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If I die, sorry about rent.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
