Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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