is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
