bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
And then my night got REAL pukey
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
