If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i barfeds in our rink
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
