Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
