im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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