shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it wasn't lemon gatorade
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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