i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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