This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize