You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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