I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
