Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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