why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just googled if crying burns calories
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize