New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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