he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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