Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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