there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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