just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
