You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
