Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
