god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
