Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize