ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize