I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I fill condoms, not promises.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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