my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
