fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
