Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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