The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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