Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
