Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
