I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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