when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
