Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
