aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
