i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
