you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
