Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
