i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
All I want is dick and wine.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
