Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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