There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
