how hairy? two words: wookie tits
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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