I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
