well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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