I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize